New York Fucking City

By Jessica May

December 2010

"Throw your horns whenever possible to all your friends." -- Arcane Malevolence watching No Remission.

There are plenty of fun things to do in Connecticut, but we do live a short train ride away from one of the biggest cities in the world. Here is Alternative Control’s step-by-step guide to having a super night in The City.

  1. Find out via the Internet that a good band is playing in Manhattan.
  2. Assemble your posse at the home of whoever lives closest to the train station.
  3. Pack a yellow plastic Shop-Rite bag full of "train corn" (booze to drink on the train).
  4. Discuss the possibility of taking a cab to the train station. Decide to drive there instead.
  5. Take the train to Grand Central. Promptly get in line for the ladies room.
  6. Take the subway to wherever the good band is playing.
  7. Observe said band play half-hour set.
  8. Stop at the deli for more "train corn" and make your way back to Grand Central.
  9. Be loud and obnoxious on the train, to the chagrin of other passengers.
  10. Get trapped in the train station parking garage for half an hour because “the gate won’t go up” (i.e. the guy in the ticket booth ran out of change). Kick yourself for not taking a cab.
  11. Bring the posse to McDonald’s for chicken snack wraps and double cheeseburgers.
  12. Go home and consume whatever alcohol you didn’t take on the train.

Okay, maybe our "super night in The City" was really just seeing some bands and drinking on a train -- it depends on your standards. But whatever you do, make sure you have the correct ratio of train corn!

What's your idea of a super night? Leave a comment or email us.

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