Carcass: The Play

"Get off my lawn!"

 

An old house. A yard littered with dead VW campers. A shed.  TESS walks up to the front door. She has a flyer. She knocks. A MAN answers.

 

       MAN

What?

 

    TESS

Hi, I’m, uh, I live over there. Like, right over there. My yard backs up to yours. Anyway I lost a chicken and I was wondering if you just happened to see a chicken run through your yard and maybe which direction it was going in.

 

MAN

I seen it.

 

  TESS

You did!

 

MAN

Yup.

 

Beat.

 

TESS

Did you see, maybe, where it was going?

 

MAN

Nowhere fast.

 

TESS

Was it foraging in your yard?

 

MAN

It’s dead.

 

TESS

It’s dead?

 

MAN

Behind the shed.

 

 

    TESS

Oh, I’m heartbroken. Want me to get it out of there for you?

 

MAN

Nope.

 

TESS

No?

 

MAN

Leave it.

 

Beat.

 

TESS

Uh…

 

MAN

It don’t need no Christian burial. Somethin’ ate it.

 

TESS

Oh my god.

 

MAN

Possum, raccoon, coyote maybe.

 

     TESS

That’s awful.

 

MAN

That’s life. Temporary.

 

TESS

I can take the chicken so it was only in your yard temporarily.

 

MAN

No.

 

TESS

But it’s my chicken.

 

MAN

It’s my yard.

 

TESS

But–

MAN

It’s just bones and feathers. Leave it be.

 

Beat.

TESS

What are you gonna do with it?

 

MAN

Nothin’.

 

TESS

So–

 

MAN

Leave it. It’ll return to the earth in due time.

 

  TESS

Is that what you’re doing with the vans?

 

MAN

Good-bye, neighbor whose yard butts up to mine.

 

  TESS

Okay. Nice meeting you. Sorry about the dead chicken.

 

  MAN

Don’t be. It’s supposed to be there. That’s why it is.

 

TESS

Uh, okay. Thank you.

 

MAN

Thank the universe. And get off my property.

 

He slams the front door shut. TESS turns, still holding the flyer. She walks off the property and then turns back to look at the shed. She looks at the  flyer. She looks back at the shed. She pouts. She folds up the flyer and  puts it in her pocket.

 

TESS

This calls for an Irish wake.

 

BLACKOUT

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